I wrote the passage below six years ago and I've been meaning to find a home for it... I think in my current "ranting" mood it would be appropriate to add it here.....
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I have just finished reading a message on a site I regularly long onto. I am so upset, I am in tears at the unbelieveable fucked up society we live in. A 16 year old boy hanged himself because he was gay. He hung himself because the society in which we all live is so fucking insensitive that we treat anybody who isn't just like us as little more than an animal. We continue to taunt one another, we continue to instill in our children a moral virtue that does not extend to anybody outside of our own sphere. I am speechless. I am furious. I am crushed. I am full of hate. Yet, I am full of compassion. How can I live in a world where something disgusting like this can occur?
I want you to look at yourself, as I am looking at my hatefull self and ask yourself if you are doing enough. I hate myself for my lack of understanding, for my superiority complex, for not standing up for what I believe in and for being so caught up in myself that I never noticed that I was hurting somebody.
I can't let this go on. I am full of hate for the church, and that is any church which does not allow homosexuals the common right to be in love. I am full of hate for politicans who blame and blame but never do a thing about it. I am full of hate for common people who tell jokes about black people, gay people, or anybody else. I am full of hate for homophobic arseholes who have made people's lives so bad that they feel there is no hope but to kill themselves.
This young man never had a chance to be proud of who he was, nobody ever knew that he was gay except himself. He had supportive friends and family who themselves have gay friends. It was society that told him he was worng, he was an abomination. How can I live in a world where a 16 year old boy has to kill himself? How can you live in that world?
The truth is I am gay. The truth is also that despite my completely understanding friends, I will never be able to feel whole. When I was 16 I was in complete denial. I had more to worry about with the fact that I was fat and ugly (or so I was told). Then I finish school and that ends. No it doesn't. I will always have the scars from the fuck heads who never let me be me. I will always have the past hanging over me like a dagger waiting to plunge me back into the eternal darkness. I hold nothing but contempt for society.
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tired
ecstatic
angry
quixotic
calm
listless
pensive
